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Who ya gonna get to riff those tracks?

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Downloaded from
YTS.BZ

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I don't ever pick tracks where the riffs are missing.

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Why ya always gotta pick RiffTrax?

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Official YIFY movies site:
YTS.BZ

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Only RiffTrax picks all the tracks worth riffing.

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It's your lucky day! It's time for RiffTrax!

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RiffTrax!

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♪♪♪ [Kevin] And yes.

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Things are still creeping in this very pace from day to day,

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until the last syllable of recorded time!

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[Mike] In retrospect, it was dumb to give

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automatic weapons to our sex robots. Ha ha.

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[Bill] Miracle drug.

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So it's just a drug ad! Should be showing old people walking their dog on the beach.

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♪♪♪

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♪♪♪ [Kevin] Lucas is going, "You should have tilted that scroll

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back in an unreadable angle!" That's what he sounds like too. (Bill laughs) ♪♪♪

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[Mike] Nope! Whoop! Heh! We blew it up! Well, damn us all to hell.

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We did it. We finally did it. [Bill] Yep. That was all. ♪♪♪

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♪♪♪

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[Bill] The Shape of Things to Come: The Legend of Curly's Gold.

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♪♪♪

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♪♪♪

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[Kevin] Barry Morse. As he pronounces it... dash, dot dot.

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Dash, dot dash dot. Dot dash dot.

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[Bill] Okay, Kevin. [Kevin] Dash dot dash. [Bill] Pretty sure I said okay?

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♪♪♪ [Mike] Can't wait to see the shape of these things!

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Will there be squares? Ovals? Rhomboids?

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[Bill] Blunt, carpenter pencil shapes? [Mike] Right! All the classics.

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[Kevin] Ah, big ship. Hope they have a lot of floor sweepers to drive around in.

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[Bill] What shape is THAT?? God, the future's weird.

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♪♪♪ (beeping)

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[Mike] Okay. Cut is control C, and paste is control V?? why?? [Bill] It just is!

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New Washington. A thriving colony on the surface of the Moon.

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[Kevin] Washington state. This is supposed to be Mt. Ranier National Park.

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It's pretty sad.

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We no longer have need of your intergalactic war ship.

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Not today, but maybe tomorrow?

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For what purpose? To wage war with the universe? No, Senator Smedley.

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For the defense of our Moon colony.

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[Bill] Okay, we get it. You have Moon colonies.

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Like someone who bought an electric car, and won't shut up about it. ♪♪♪

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♪♪♪

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[Mike] That prop planet needs to be back at the bowling alley by four.

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Cargo vessel focus four, you are entering Lunar area seven five.

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Please confirm docking orbit? [Kevin] We're a Moon colony!

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[Bill] Yeah, that place is just littered with golf balls.

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John, I'm trying to do you a favor. I'm telling you what the council already decided!

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The star streak project is dead.

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Let's see what Lomax has to say, shall we? Focus four? Please acknowledge.

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This is Lunar space control.

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[Mike] So, we're not gonna hear what Lomax has to say?

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[Kevin] Come on! Every second spent showing this crap is a second not listening to Lomax!!

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[Bill] (shouting) Lomax!!!

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Focus four? Confirmation of docking orbit negative.

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We are overriding, and beginning cobalt reverse drive in ten seconds.

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[Kevin] Ugh! Lomax is different than I expected.

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♪♪♪

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♪♪♪ [Mike] Cobalt override, seems like a pretty boring game. [Bill] Yeah, heh.

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(beeping)

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[Bill] Well, I don't know about the SHAPE. But the pace of things to come?

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Not blowing me away. (beeping)

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[Kevin] Damn it Diane, stop hovering!

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Master computer Lomax? This is lunar space control. We have an emergency?

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[Mike] Lomax is the computer? What Bob Lomax? Master computer?

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Master computer confirms crash course. New Washington in 12 minutes.

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Suggest full emergency procedures.

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[Bill] And hey, call me more often. We should hang out.

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[Kevin] Good bye, Lomax. [Bill] Aww, come on? [Kevin] Mm mm.

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[Mike] For safety's sake, always keep a picture of your lungs on the outside of your shirt.

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Jason Caball here? This is lunar space control.

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We have an emergency. Please report. Okay, on my way.

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[Bill] Just a couple more miles of hallway to go.

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[Kevin] Yeah? Yes, Derek! I see your Instagram! I know you rescued a dog!

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What's the problem, Kim?

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The problem is delta three cargo ship has ten metric tons of RADIC-Q-2 on board.

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On crash course with New Washington.

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When? Eight minutes, fifty two seconds.

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[Mike] Hey, Katie? [Bill] Shut up, Lomax!

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Confirms. Emergency division? Yellow alert.

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Evacuate entire population to lower cities. Seal off access to main dome.

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[Kevin] Main dome sealed? But what if they have to blow the dome??

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Not some sort of communication problem?

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[Bill] Deep cut?

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I'm not sure of anything. I just don't want to take any chances.

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[Bill] Rat brain!

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See what else we can do.

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May I remind you that the council have great influence with the master computer?

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[Mike] He's got an okay office.

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But he does get some noise from next door, where they grind custom eye glasses.

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(beeping) Yellow alert? The whole city's on yellow alert!

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[Kevin] All of our dogs need to go at the same time!

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(beeping)

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Go to red. Red alert.

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[Bill] Red alert? PHEW! Yellow alert was a mistake, everyone. All is well!

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I'm glad we're using these less confusing color alerts on the Moon.

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This is not a drill! This is not a drill!

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[Mike] And remember, not a drill means it's just a drill on our new, improved system.

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[Bill] Exactly.

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Two minutes until impact. Focus full engine service display available.

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[Kevin] Also, could you clean my air vent?

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My power supply is choked with dust bunnies.

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[Bill] Quiet, Lomax.

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Kim? Do you have this emergency under control?

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We're working on it, father. Son? Are you sure that none of Niki's people are on board?

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No life signs at all. Lomax confirms.

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[Bill] I said probably AT whatever! No one listens to me.

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♪♪♪ Red alert! Red alert!

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[Mike] Yeah, THANKS, Jonathan! There's only one way to go!

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(speaker overheard) Sector seven to ten, to shelter.

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(beeping) ♪♪♪

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♪♪♪ Come on, Lomax! Stand by.

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♪♪♪ This is not a drill.

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[Kevin] I like to stand next to a band saw, and just repeat that over and over.

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Seventy seconds to impact.

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Procedure complete. Now you may activate.

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[Bill] It's almost as though they're using an old

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data entry machine, for their crappy data entry.

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Sensors indicate negative response.

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Cargo ship did not destruct. Repeat. [Mike] Old crabby guys? How's it going?

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Impact. 45 Seconds.

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(beeping)

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[Kevin] Ah, screw it. I'm not hurrying.

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♪♪♪

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♪♪♪ (guys grumble)

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[Kevin] Yeah, you kids.

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♪♪♪ [Kevin] Panic at the disco! ♪♪♪

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♪♪♪ (explosion)

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[Bill] Eh, it's not Star Trek level shaking. I think they'll be fine.

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(crashing)

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[Mike] Whoo! Lights are back.

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Cat Stevens will be happy they can once again make Moon shadows.

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[Kevin] Mm hmm. Hey, Mike? Go immediately to hell.

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[Bill] They're like the family that sits WAY too far from their TV. What is that?

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Computer Lomax?

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Request dome repair units to begin work immediately on sky dome breach.

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[Mike] Remember when there was a bunch of people, scamming seniors

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telling them they needed expensive sky dome breach repair?

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Emergency underground shelters.

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[Kevin] Huddle weirdly everyone!

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(beeping) Send search teams to damaged sectors.

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All debris from cargo vessels should be sent here for examination. Understood.

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[Bill] So? Who's your favorite character so far?

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[Mike] Well, it's either a woman who types stuff

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or, woman who stands behind woman who types stuff.

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[Bill] Oh yeah. She's good.

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(hissing)

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[Kevin] My head's REALLY staying fresh, sealed up in this bag!

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Sector twenty totally destroyed. area should be leveled.

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Danger of falling debris. Sector eighteen.

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[Bill] Little eye candy for the llllladies! Two guys just poured into jumpsuits.

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Engineering and repairs. All debris from cargo ship, to be sent to lab six.

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Stand by. I have visual communication with delta three.

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[Mike] It costs ten cents a minute. I hope that's okay.

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♪♪♪

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♪♪♪ This is Omus, robot master on delta three.

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I would like to talk to Dr. John Caball?

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[Kevin] Tell him I crap bigger than him.

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Caball. Doctor? You remember me? Oh yes, indeed.

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[Bill] Who forgets a weird looking guy in a cape?

162
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Talk to your superior? My superior?

163
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Oh, yes you mean the former governor of delta three?

164
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I'm afraid Niki and her followers have fled the citadel.

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[Mike] Sorry. Fled TO the citadel. That's the name of a better movie.

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Well, in that case, you know what just happened.

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One of your cargo ships crashed into New Washington!

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But of course.

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[Kevin] Let me get out of my pajamas.

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That was my plan. Omus? This is Senator Smedley of the Moon council

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What is it you want? [Bill] And please don't laugh at my obviously laughable statement.

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I have made giant strides in technology, Senator.

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I can bring in a new, and more efficient way of life to the Moon.

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[Mike] (laughs) DUH Moon? Sounds like a retired minstrel singer.

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Omus! You haven't answered the question!

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You mean, what do I really want, doctor?

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[Kevin] Please, don't say a thorough colonoscopy.

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Your respect, of course. And your support, for my return to the Moon colony.

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[Bill] He got expelled for spray painting a wang on the inside of the sky dome.

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As supreme commander of the Moon, the Earth.

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And all the outposts in our solar system. Well, that of course, is out of the question!

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[Mike] Yeah. Go Smedley! That's your reaction, senator! [Mike] His name is Smedley.

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[Bill] Smedley! (laughs)

184
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Beginning immediately, there will be no further shipments of RADIC-Q-2.

185
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This is madness!

186
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[Kevin] I guess the audience will just have to take your word for that.

187
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Don't provoke him. Now listen to me, Omus!

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We will never surrender New Washington, to you or anyone else! Even it means war.

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[Bill] Ugh. Come on, heartburn. Not now.

190
00:12:33,590 --> 00:12:39,770
Don't talk of war, my dear doctor. It could be disastrous.

191
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As tragic as the robot wars that devastated the Earth planet.

192
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[Mike] Ah, the Earth PLANET. Not the Earth red dwarf.

193
00:12:48,420 --> 00:12:53,580
Consider my proposal. You mean, your threat?

194
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[Kevin] Uh, my wife's back. Bye! (Bill laughs)

195
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[Bill] Heh heh. That's what it looked like when I tried to install my own in-ceiling speakers.

196
00:13:08,100 --> 00:13:13,510
We found the pilot.

197
00:13:13,510 --> 00:13:18,370
It's wedged in here. May take a while to get it out.

198
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[Kevin] Oh, cripes. I hope their tooks hold out, eh?

199
00:13:21,790 --> 00:13:25,340
Send it to robot repair as soon as possible.

200
00:13:25,340 --> 00:13:29,710
(beeping) See you later. I'm gonna go take a look at the suicide robot.

201
00:13:29,710 --> 00:13:33,590
[Kevin] You have a suicide robot? And all you've been showing us are these boring idiots??

202
00:13:33,590 --> 00:13:36,850
Tsk, tsk. May not be so lucky the second time.

203
00:13:41,780 --> 00:13:44,840
Well, Kim, you were right. There was something weird about that circuitry.

204
00:13:44,840 --> 00:13:47,740
The robot was programmed to blow himself up.

205
00:13:47,740 --> 00:13:49,620
This one will turn him into a pussy cat.

206
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[Bill] He'll be spraying musk from his anal glands in no time!

207
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Okay get the tapes! Quick!

208
00:13:57,100 --> 00:14:04,150
[Mike] They're gonna watch their only movie, a Betamax of Weird Science.

209
00:14:04,150 --> 00:14:09,600
Okay! Let's give him a jolt!

210
00:14:09,600 --> 00:14:12,890
(cracking) (she laughs)

211
00:14:12,890 --> 00:14:15,220
[Kevin] It's funny, if you think about it.

212
00:14:15,220 --> 00:14:20,210
I don't know what they called you on delta three. but. I'm gonna call you Sparks.

213
00:14:20,210 --> 00:14:23,620
Fine, fine, I am! I am! Ha ha! You're working!

214
00:14:23,620 --> 00:14:27,860
[Bill] That's what I yell at road construction crews! Ha ha! You're working!

215
00:14:27,860 --> 00:14:30,180
New circuits. New circuits. Give him another jolt.

216
00:14:30,180 --> 00:14:32,860
New circuits. (she laughs)

217
00:14:32,860 --> 00:14:35,940
[Bill] Ha ha ha. Ahh. So funny.

218
00:14:35,940 --> 00:14:39,510
My sonnets. The lily of my valley. Ah yeah, you can call me Kim.

219
00:14:39,510 --> 00:14:42,140
Looks like I made a poet out of you, friend.

220
00:14:42,140 --> 00:14:46,400
[Mike] She's delighted by all things that are not delightful at all.

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♪♪♪

222
00:14:51,730 --> 00:14:53,640
[Kevin] Ah, good. The thing moved.

223
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The tension over whether or not that thing would move was unbearable! ♪♪♪

224
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[Bill] Okay. don't laugh. It's laundry day,

225
00:15:03,980 --> 00:15:10,780
And his Jiffy Pop Halloween costume is the only clean thing he has. Be nice.

226
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♪♪♪ [Mike] Ugh, dammit! There's an old mouse nest in this thing! ♪♪♪

227
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Danger. Extreme radiation hazard.

228
00:15:24,400 --> 00:15:29,500
This fuel chamber is a class A prohibited area.

229
00:15:29,500 --> 00:15:32,640
[Kevin] Sparks gave her a mix tape of his favorite Creed songs

230
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to try and prove he's deep.

231
00:15:35,620 --> 00:15:39,400
Hey, Sparks? We should complete your history course.

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Thank you, my dark lady of the sonnets.

233
00:15:42,650 --> 00:15:44,690
Now I have something to show you.

234
00:15:44,690 --> 00:15:46,260
[Bill] Oh god! Sparks! No!

235
00:15:46,260 --> 00:15:49,050
Certain talents, you know? Watch this.

236
00:15:49,050 --> 00:15:51,980
(buzzing)

237
00:15:51,980 --> 00:15:56,000
(buzzing)

238
00:15:56,000 --> 00:15:59,720
[Mike] Ugh. It is agony to do, but people seem to like it.

239
00:15:59,720 --> 00:16:05,080
How's that? That's terrific! }What do you call it?

240
00:16:05,080 --> 00:16:08,980
Bi-locational transference. BLT for short.

241
00:16:08,980 --> 00:16:11,870
[Kevin] She's amused by his god-like powers. Anything you say.

242
00:16:18,060 --> 00:16:23,780
[Bill] Now, he cuts up a few celery sticks, on it. Then slowly lowers it back down.

243
00:16:23,780 --> 00:16:31,640
♪♪♪

244
00:16:31,640 --> 00:16:35,560
♪♪♪ [Mike] We have GOT to get a faster motor in this thing.

245
00:16:35,560 --> 00:16:40,260
Please be advised, sensors indicate fuel rods are overheating.

246
00:16:40,260 --> 00:16:46,570
Stability region has been surpassed. Inspector drive fuel pile is approaching meltdown point.

247
00:16:46,570 --> 00:16:51,110
[Kevin] Also, your giant dryer stopped. You need to put in another giant quarter.

248
00:16:51,110 --> 00:16:56,330
Supply of moderator.

249
00:16:56,330 --> 00:17:01,070
[Bill] Really shouldn't be this hard to change the furnace filter.

250
00:17:01,070 --> 00:17:05,250
♪♪♪

251
00:17:05,250 --> 00:17:09,360
♪♪♪

252
00:17:09,360 --> 00:17:13,940
Sensors do that. [Mike] Yeah, cut away. That action scene was almost too much.

253
00:17:13,940 --> 00:17:19,210
Personnel.

254
00:17:19,210 --> 00:17:25,240
[Kevin] I played Iago at the National Theater. What the hell am I doing?

255
00:17:25,240 --> 00:17:30,930
♪♪♪

256
00:17:30,930 --> 00:17:35,160
[Bill] Make your most important signs, your most unreadable.

257
00:17:35,160 --> 00:17:41,210
(beeping)

258
00:17:41,210 --> 00:17:46,170
Danger! You have been exposed to extremely high radiation levels.

259
00:17:46,170 --> 00:17:50,220
[Mike] Well, maybe they could have had one of their bilocating robots do that?

260
00:17:50,220 --> 00:17:55,580
Danger. You have been exposed to extremely high radiation levels.

261
00:17:55,580 --> 00:17:57,260
[Kevin] You'll become a super hero with the ability

262
00:17:57,260 --> 00:18:00,590
to grow even more hideous old timey mutton shops.

263
00:18:00,590 --> 00:18:05,150
Danger! You have been. (beeping)

264
00:18:05,150 --> 00:18:09,610
[Bill] (sniff, sniff) Okay, who microwaved chili without covering it?

265
00:18:09,610 --> 00:18:13,360
You found Dr. Caball? No, Senator. Or his son, Jason?

266
00:18:13,360 --> 00:18:17,490
No. Lomax? [Mike] Smedley. What's up?

267
00:18:17,490 --> 00:18:21,210
You must shut down all launch support systems immediately.

268
00:18:21,210 --> 00:18:24,440
I am in full control of the situation, Senator.

269
00:18:24,440 --> 00:18:28,190
Be patient. We will locate Dr. Caball.

270
00:18:28,190 --> 00:18:35,350
[Kevin] Ugh. I jogged like ten steps, and I'm wiped out. I have to start hitting the gym.

271
00:18:35,350 --> 00:18:42,570
♪♪♪ [Bill] If this guy has visible panty lines, I'm leaving.

272
00:18:42,570 --> 00:18:46,020
♪♪♪

273
00:18:46,020 --> 00:18:50,170
♪♪♪

274
00:18:50,170 --> 00:18:55,200
[Mike] We've gotta put some posters up in these halls. They're pretty drab.

275
00:18:55,200 --> 00:18:59,100
[Bill] Spruce it up a bit.

276
00:18:59,100 --> 00:19:03,650
(beeping) Dr. Caball? Kim, what are you doing here? What's this all about?

277
00:19:03,650 --> 00:19:07,780
[Kevin] And why don't we have flat screens in here, since our main monitor is a flat screen?

278
00:19:07,780 --> 00:19:11,780
The master computer is wrong. Software is now able to destroy us.

279
00:19:11,780 --> 00:19:14,500
I'm going to stop all this. By myself if I have to.

280
00:19:14,500 --> 00:19:18,890
You won't have to do it by yourself. Well, I was rather counting on your help, son.

281
00:19:18,890 --> 00:19:21,030
[Mike] Gah. I don't mean me.

282
00:19:21,030 --> 00:19:26,360
I'm going too. I would like to help. Oh, hello.

283
00:19:26,360 --> 00:19:29,350
Uh? Who's your shiny friend? That's Sparks.

284
00:19:29,350 --> 00:19:32,740
[Kevin] He's a suicide robot. And one hell of a wet dry vac.

285
00:19:32,740 --> 00:19:38,690
The four of us. (beeping) But we have to launch immediately.

286
00:19:38,690 --> 00:19:41,450
No, we're not ready. I've got to do a pre-flight check.

287
00:19:41,450 --> 00:19:45,170
[Bill] I bet first on the list is do not irradiate yourself.

288
00:19:45,170 --> 00:19:50,520
I've located Dr. Caball. Visual scanners on star streak? Activated.

289
00:19:50,520 --> 00:19:55,780
Lomax has tracked us here. Son, we've gotta do it now. Or not at all.

290
00:19:55,780 --> 00:20:00,170
[Mike] So, take your fancy pre-flight check, and ram it up your Jeffreys tube.

291
00:20:00,170 --> 00:20:07,180
Sequence for launch. This is a robot console. Similar to those on cargo ships.

292
00:20:07,180 --> 00:20:11,880
Much more sophisticated. Dr. Caball? I detect a need for medication.

293
00:20:11,880 --> 00:20:15,960
[Kevin] Lipitor, Propecia, Cialis. About a dozen others.

294
00:20:15,960 --> 00:20:22,600
Stand by for lift off. In thirty. ♪♪♪ 28, 27, 26.

295
00:20:22,600 --> 00:20:27,570
[Bill] Well, I guess the Cialis is already here.

296
00:20:27,570 --> 00:20:39,030
♪♪♪ 16, 15, 14, 13, 12. 11. [Mike] Space. The frugal frontier. ♪♪♪

297
00:20:39,030 --> 00:20:44,900
♪♪♪ Preparing for take off. Lomax, you've got to stop them.

298
00:20:44,900 --> 00:20:49,280
[Kevin] Oh yes! Lomax, please pump the brakes on the pulse pounding adventure!

299
00:20:49,280 --> 00:20:53,250
Four. ♪♪♪ One.

300
00:20:53,250 --> 00:20:59,000
Ignition. Oh god.

301
00:20:59,000 --> 00:21:04,250
[Bill] I turned down a role on Starsky and Hutch for this.

302
00:21:04,250 --> 00:21:09,290
What are their chances of reaching Delta three? Percentages do not favor successful journey.

303
00:21:09,290 --> 00:21:12,590
Disaster through malfunction predicted.

304
00:21:12,590 --> 00:21:15,910
[Mike] That's probably why you wanted me to stop the launch.

305
00:21:15,910 --> 00:21:20,550
♪♪♪

306
00:21:20,550 --> 00:21:24,900
[Kevin] Ahh. Look at that Moon! Floating there. Belonging to America.

307
00:21:24,900 --> 00:21:28,650
♪♪♪

308
00:21:28,650 --> 00:21:32,540
♪♪♪ Leveling out.

309
00:21:32,540 --> 00:21:35,100
[Bill] More like, bottoming out.

310
00:21:35,100 --> 00:21:40,720
Course set for delta three. Electron compass reading normal.

311
00:21:40,720 --> 00:21:50,090
♪♪♪ [Mike] (singing) Old guy! There goes his hip!!!

312
00:21:50,090 --> 00:21:56,390
On our way. [Bill] Beautiful. Out there. The vastness of space, the unknown.

313
00:21:56,390 --> 00:21:59,100
[Kevin] What I'm saying is I'm lost and fightened.

314
00:21:59,100 --> 00:22:05,670
All possibilities exist. Man's future is limited only by his imagination.

315
00:22:05,670 --> 00:22:13,740
And his vision of the stars. [Bill] Word for word the speech that inspired the McRib.

316
00:22:13,740 --> 00:22:18,910
Very impressive. Correct pulse ratio, point zero, zero, four.

317
00:22:18,910 --> 00:22:21,970
[Mike] Ah, that's right. I was gonna blow this hunk of junk out an air lock.

318
00:22:21,970 --> 00:22:26,220
How about you, Sparks? What do you think?

319
00:22:26,220 --> 00:22:29,240
It's better than a delta three cargo ship, doctor.

320
00:22:29,240 --> 00:22:33,150
[Kevin] Geez, Sparks. Maybe teleport your nose out of the old man's butt?

321
00:22:33,150 --> 00:22:35,280
(sigh) I wonder what happened to Niki?

322
00:22:35,280 --> 00:22:38,560
Hope she's all right. ♪♪♪

323
00:22:38,560 --> 00:22:41,250
♪♪♪

324
00:22:41,250 --> 00:22:46,300
♪♪♪

325
00:22:46,300 --> 00:22:52,160
[Mike] Delta three, AKA just outside Silver City New Mexico.

326
00:22:52,160 --> 00:22:57,830
♪♪♪

327
00:22:57,830 --> 00:23:01,380
♪♪♪ [Kevin] Oh, no! A Klingon fantasy camp???

328
00:23:01,380 --> 00:23:10,570
♪♪♪

329
00:23:10,570 --> 00:23:14,400
[Bill] When landscapers go to war!

330
00:23:14,400 --> 00:23:17,930
(grunting) I think we're ready now, Niki.

331
00:23:17,930 --> 00:23:22,120
(grunting) Listen, everybody! [Mike] You're not ready at all! This idiot is wrong!

332
00:23:22,120 --> 00:23:24,650
You must get back into the citadel.

333
00:23:24,650 --> 00:23:29,500
We have to send a message out somehow! We should get through the tunnels all right.

334
00:23:29,500 --> 00:23:32,030
But the citadel itself, is like a fortress.

335
00:23:32,030 --> 00:23:34,760
[Kevin] Really? I heard the citadel was more like a strong hold.

336
00:23:34,760 --> 00:23:37,470
Caverns into the power plant.

337
00:23:37,470 --> 00:23:39,370
♪♪♪ Okay! Come on! Let's go!

338
00:23:39,370 --> 00:23:44,820
[Bill] Everyone grab a pole, or a big trash can lid, and let's do this thing!

339
00:23:44,820 --> 00:23:48,340
♪♪♪

340
00:23:48,340 --> 00:23:53,650
♪♪♪

341
00:23:53,650 --> 00:24:01,150
[Mike] Behold, the evil tower of Sauron's down on his luck, cousin, Ronron. ♪♪♪

342
00:24:01,150 --> 00:24:05,220
♪♪♪

343
00:24:05,220 --> 00:24:10,230
♪♪♪

344
00:24:10,230 --> 00:24:15,310
(beeping) [Kevin] Which one of these buttons makes the girl bring me a hot Dr. Pepper?

345
00:24:17,960 --> 00:24:22,200
(indistinct)

346
00:24:22,200 --> 00:24:25,400
Excellent. [Bill] I mean, what the hell did you just say?

347
00:24:25,400 --> 00:24:29,230
Everything is falling neatly into place.

348
00:24:29,230 --> 00:24:34,090
[Mike] Hurry! I sense that everything is falling neatly into place.

349
00:24:34,090 --> 00:24:38,300
So far, no sign of Omus' robots. I know. We'll have to move fast, Niki.

350
00:24:38,300 --> 00:24:40,840
When I get into the center, I'm not going to need much time.

351
00:24:40,840 --> 00:24:42,860
Tell them we can't hold out much longer.

352
00:24:42,860 --> 00:24:45,980
[Kevin] Hold out? You haven't done anything yet.

353
00:24:45,980 --> 00:24:51,960
(creaking)

354
00:24:51,960 --> 00:24:56,790
♪♪♪ [Bill] Meanwhile, in the exact same location!

355
00:24:56,790 --> 00:24:59,150
♪♪♪

356
00:24:59,150 --> 00:25:03,180
♪♪♪

357
00:25:03,180 --> 00:25:08,750
♪♪♪

358
00:25:08,750 --> 00:25:12,850
[Mike] Ow, potty! Potty, potty, potty, potty! Potty!

359
00:25:20,210 --> 00:25:23,850
[Kevin] Hello? Yes, I'd like to order one shape of things to come?

360
00:25:23,850 --> 00:25:29,230
Calling New Washington! Calling New Washington! This is Niki, the governor of delta three.

361
00:25:29,230 --> 00:25:32,120
[Bill] No last name, just governor Niki.

362
00:25:32,120 --> 00:25:34,550
This is the delta three citadel! Niki calling!

363
00:25:34,550 --> 00:25:38,760
We need assistance! We need some assistance!

364
00:25:38,760 --> 00:25:41,590
[Mike] Can you be more specific?

365
00:25:41,590 --> 00:25:44,800
♪♪♪

366
00:25:44,800 --> 00:25:50,000
♪♪♪

367
00:25:50,000 --> 00:25:57,390
[Kevin] Why does Omus get a fashion cape? I want a fashion cape! ♪♪♪

368
00:25:57,390 --> 00:26:03,200
♪♪♪ [Bill] Hee hee. Wait until he finds the fake barf I left on his desk

369
00:26:03,200 --> 00:26:09,040
♪♪♪

370
00:26:09,040 --> 00:26:13,800
♪♪♪ What's this? [Mike] This plywood box is my space desk?

371
00:26:13,800 --> 00:26:16,490
New Washington. This is New Washington.

372
00:26:16,490 --> 00:26:21,750
We hear you, Niki. Proceed with your message.

373
00:26:21,750 --> 00:26:25,780
[Kevin] Damn that kid who always presses every button!

374
00:26:25,780 --> 00:26:28,060
Sound general alarm.

375
00:26:28,060 --> 00:26:30,890
♪♪♪

376
00:26:30,890 --> 00:26:36,200
[Bill] Ah, the general alarm also signals Link's triumphant return to Hyrule.

377
00:26:36,200 --> 00:26:43,000
(beeping)

378
00:26:43,000 --> 00:26:47,280
(beeping) [Mike] Someone's coming, people. Don't wait to identify them, just start smashing.

379
00:26:47,280 --> 00:26:55,970
(beeping)

380
00:26:55,970 --> 00:27:02,480
[Kevin] Help! I'm being attacked by one of those dumb Star Wars themed instant pots!

381
00:27:02,480 --> 00:27:09,490
[Bill] Exhibiting a dalek-like grace.

382
00:27:09,490 --> 00:27:14,270
I couldn't get through! Damn!

383
00:27:14,270 --> 00:27:20,900
[Mike] (robotic voice) Humans. We bring a cease and desist order from the estate of H.G. Wells.

384
00:27:28,610 --> 00:27:34,170
[Kevin] (laughs) This is me anytime I find a spider in my shower. (Bill laughs)

385
00:27:34,170 --> 00:27:39,280
Heh heh. [Bill] Eeek!

386
00:27:39,280 --> 00:27:43,620
♪♪♪ [Bill] Remember folks, we saw them actually TRAIN for this.

387
00:27:43,620 --> 00:27:49,730
♪♪♪ Agghh!

388
00:27:49,730 --> 00:27:53,850
(shots fire) [Mike] Teens with feathered hair use pool skimmers to destroy robots.

389
00:27:53,850 --> 00:27:57,580
Classic HG Wells!

390
00:27:57,580 --> 00:28:02,290
♪♪♪ [Kevin] Let's move, people.

391
00:28:02,290 --> 00:28:06,550
Operation accomplish absolutely nothing has been a huge success!

392
00:28:06,550 --> 00:28:11,090
♪♪♪

393
00:28:11,090 --> 00:28:15,400
[Bill] Never base your robot design on Junior Samples.

394
00:28:15,400 --> 00:28:18,230
♪♪♪

395
00:28:18,230 --> 00:28:24,810
♪♪♪

396
00:28:24,810 --> 00:28:28,320
Two more dead. What now?

397
00:28:28,320 --> 00:28:32,140
[Mike] To hell with it. Let's go for six more deaths.

398
00:28:32,140 --> 00:28:39,680
[Kevin] Well come on! Come on! Let's go space trucking! Come on!

399
00:28:39,680 --> 00:28:42,570
[Bill] (whispers) Deep Purple.

400
00:28:42,570 --> 00:28:50,410
(beeping) Doctor? [Bill] Can we get some tunes up in this piece?

401
00:28:50,410 --> 00:28:55,250
We have malfunctions of the gi-electron compass.

402
00:28:55,250 --> 00:28:59,820
Auto guidance systems, and the control flow units.

403
00:28:59,820 --> 00:29:05,460
[Mike] The problem is, they all sound fake as hell.

404
00:29:05,460 --> 00:29:11,120
♪♪♪ Grab the set down. We can't go back to the Moon.

405
00:29:11,120 --> 00:29:16,060
There's only one place we can go to make repairs. Earth.

406
00:29:16,060 --> 00:29:20,320
[Kevin] Okay, there's lots of places. But I have a Pep Boys gift card! (Bill laughs)

407
00:29:20,320 --> 00:29:25,440
Cylinder five nine, and an old emergency tanker stationed there.

408
00:29:25,440 --> 00:29:29,650
More or less abandoned now, but the guidance beacon ought to be in working order.

409
00:29:29,650 --> 00:29:32,780
[Bill] Yeah, your technology seems super reliable.

410
00:29:32,780 --> 00:29:37,960
Charlie Montgomery, an old friend of mine. Sort of guard-caretaker of the station.

411
00:29:37,960 --> 00:29:41,560
He's due to retire back to the Moon in a few years, but he'll be able to help us.

412
00:29:41,560 --> 00:29:44,300
[Mike] Or, he'll be mad from isolation, and try to eat our skin.

413
00:29:44,300 --> 00:29:46,530
Either way be great to catch up.

414
00:29:46,530 --> 00:29:49,870
Seven five nine. Planet Earth.

415
00:29:49,870 --> 00:29:52,960
♪♪♪ (Kevin humming)

416
00:29:52,960 --> 00:29:58,250
(Kevin humming Blue Danube Waltz)

417
00:29:58,250 --> 00:30:02,060
[Kevin] (humming) Come on! Pick up the pace!

418
00:30:02,060 --> 00:30:06,070
(humming) (Bill yawns)

419
00:30:06,070 --> 00:30:11,630
Module separation confirmed. Descent locked to beacon YR321.

420
00:30:11,630 --> 00:30:18,710
[Bill] Their totally original space ship, the uh? Century? Eagle.

421
00:30:18,710 --> 00:30:22,230
♪♪♪ [Mike] A feral Sid and Marty Croft creature.

422
00:30:22,230 --> 00:30:26,230
♪♪♪

423
00:30:26,230 --> 00:30:30,680
♪♪♪

424
00:30:30,680 --> 00:30:34,740
[Kevin] Sentient dung piles everywhere. Earth's really improved!

425
00:30:34,740 --> 00:30:41,200
♪♪♪

426
00:30:41,200 --> 00:30:45,990
♪♪♪ Shut down completed. I'll stay with you, doctor, and help with your repairs.

427
00:30:45,990 --> 00:30:49,100
[Bill] AKA This costume can't go down stairs.

428
00:30:49,100 --> 00:30:51,030
We'll see if we can find Charlie Montgomery.

429
00:30:51,030 --> 00:30:56,030
Sure. Give him my regards. Tell him he owes me a rematch at chess. Okay. Bye.

430
00:30:56,030 --> 00:31:02,730
[Bill] I'm glad his imminent death from radiation sickness hasn't damped his sense of whimsy.

431
00:31:02,730 --> 00:31:09,530
[Kevin] Hey uh? Do we need helmets? [Bill] Naww!

432
00:31:09,530 --> 00:31:12,930
[Kevin] But the robot wars left Earth polluted and devastated?

433
00:31:12,930 --> 00:31:14,840
[Bill] Ah, seems fine to me.

434
00:31:14,840 --> 00:31:18,890
[Kevin] Nice day.

435
00:31:18,890 --> 00:31:25,060
[Mike] Food! I mean, we welcome you in a spirit of peace.

436
00:31:29,910 --> 00:31:33,930
(knock on door) Charlie? Charlie Montgomery?

437
00:31:33,930 --> 00:31:36,540
[Kevin] (laughs) Thanks for specifying.

438
00:31:42,090 --> 00:31:44,480
Must be around someplace.

439
00:31:44,480 --> 00:31:47,190
[Bill] I see no evidence of that.

440
00:31:47,190 --> 00:31:51,500
How's the equipment? Seems to be all right. I'm gonna go check the tower.

441
00:31:51,500 --> 00:31:54,550
Kim? Yeah. Mind how you go.

442
00:31:54,550 --> 00:31:57,880
[Mike] She's still potty training? (Bill laughs)

443
00:31:57,880 --> 00:32:02,580
[Bill] Ahh. Takes, takes some people a while.

444
00:32:02,580 --> 00:32:08,410
[Kevin] I see the battery's still good on Charlie's upskirt cam. [Bill] Oh, Charlie.

445
00:32:08,410 --> 00:32:13,080
Charlie Montgomery! [Kevin] (laughs) Montgomery.

446
00:32:13,080 --> 00:32:17,200
[Bill] Well, while I'm down here, I should probably try some possum.

447
00:32:21,360 --> 00:32:25,250
He must have some tools around someplace. [Mike] Well, I see one big one.

448
00:32:25,250 --> 00:32:28,490
[Bill] Burn!

449
00:32:28,490 --> 00:32:36,280
[Kevin] Well, I guess I'll be wandering to my death for unspecified reasons then.

450
00:32:41,480 --> 00:32:48,460
[Bill] Well, whatever Brillo pads are, they taste awful!

451
00:32:48,460 --> 00:32:52,590
[Mike] How had he not smelled that?

452
00:32:58,520 --> 00:33:02,130
Kim? [Kevin] Kim! Charlie is dead! [Bill] Who?

453
00:33:02,130 --> 00:33:08,170
[Kevin] Charlie Montgomery! [Bill] Oh god, no!

454
00:33:08,170 --> 00:33:13,050
[Bill] Might be talking about a different Charlie, which wouldn't matter.

455
00:33:13,050 --> 00:33:19,470
(beeping) Kim? Come in please, Kim? Kim?

456
00:33:19,470 --> 00:33:21,170
[Mike] Kim. You ever notice how most of us have

457
00:33:21,170 --> 00:33:24,570
normal names like Kim. then there's this one guy named Omus?

458
00:33:24,570 --> 00:33:28,520
This is Jason calling star streak. Come in please, star streak.

459
00:33:28,520 --> 00:33:31,410
[Kevin] Thought I'd set this to ignore Jason.

460
00:33:31,410 --> 00:33:34,800
Yes, what is it Jason? I found a dead body in Earth station.

461
00:33:34,800 --> 00:33:39,200
What? Charlie? [Bill] Montgomery, yeah.

462
00:33:39,200 --> 00:33:42,590
I think so. And that's not all. I can't seem to locate Kim.

463
00:33:42,590 --> 00:33:45,250
Well, what do you mean? I don't know. She disappeared.

464
00:33:45,250 --> 00:33:47,630
[Bill] He's considering becoming concerned.

465
00:33:47,630 --> 00:33:52,410
I've got a vehicle here. I don't know if I can get it running though. It's rough terrain.

466
00:33:52,410 --> 00:33:54,910
You'll need it. I'm gonna spend Sparks to help you.

467
00:33:54,910 --> 00:33:59,330
[Mike] Good luck on that road. I mean, the rough terrain.

468
00:33:59,330 --> 00:34:03,330
Sparks? I want you to check radiation readings in the area. Yes, doctor.

469
00:34:03,330 --> 00:34:05,980
I want to know if Jason and Kim are in danger.

470
00:34:05,980 --> 00:34:09,490
[Kevin] They've been out there for over an hour. So let's look into that.

471
00:34:09,490 --> 00:34:13,510
Never had a nurse maid before, and I don't intend to have one now.

472
00:34:13,510 --> 00:34:16,270
Sorry, doctor. That's all right.

473
00:34:16,270 --> 00:34:22,030
So, uh? Why don't you just get on then? Precisely what I had in mind.

474
00:34:22,030 --> 00:34:26,240
(buzzing) [Bill] Eh! I teleported to Kansas!

475
00:34:26,240 --> 00:34:31,120
What took you so long? I'm a little out of condition.

476
00:34:31,120 --> 00:34:34,590
[Mike] Come on, "out of SHAPE of things to come" was right there.

477
00:34:34,590 --> 00:34:37,290
Three kilometers west to quadrant.

478
00:34:37,290 --> 00:34:40,140
Oh yeah? Is she alone? I can't get an exact reading.

479
00:34:40,140 --> 00:34:43,500
But I'm picking up a high radiation level in this area.

480
00:34:43,500 --> 00:34:48,130
[Kevin] On the polluted planet, everyone is flat or died on? This comes out of nowhere!

481
00:34:48,130 --> 00:34:53,810
Better stop doing that.

482
00:34:53,810 --> 00:34:56,560
[Bill] Robot could just teleport to Kim, right?

483
00:34:56,560 --> 00:35:01,990
[Mike] Yeah, but that wouldn't vaguely remind people of Star Wars. [Bill] Ah. Good point.

484
00:35:07,220 --> 00:35:11,480
[Kevin] Lord, is he trying to reach escape velocity in that thing? [Bill] (laughs) Jesus.

485
00:35:17,870 --> 00:35:20,210
[Bill] Get a horse!

486
00:35:27,270 --> 00:35:29,790
(tries to start engine)

487
00:35:29,790 --> 00:35:32,750
[Mike] Well, I don't understand. I drove it so gently?

488
00:35:32,750 --> 00:35:36,870
I detect a malfunction in the H2O containment system.

489
00:35:36,870 --> 00:35:43,020
Now what? [Kevin] Well, I can be back at the ship in under a second.

490
00:35:43,020 --> 00:35:49,910
I'm picking up Kim. All life functions seem intact, but she isn't alone.

491
00:35:49,910 --> 00:35:53,490
Sensors also detect higher radiation levels ahead.

492
00:35:53,490 --> 00:36:01,660
[Bill] Uh, you're just gonna keep on marching forward then? All right. Your funeral

493
00:36:01,660 --> 00:36:06,000
[Mike] I mean, I'm feeling the radiation in my circuits.

494
00:36:06,000 --> 00:36:08,200
Are you sure you don't need a space suit?

495
00:36:08,200 --> 00:36:11,670
[Kevin] Ugh. Fine. [Mike] Good lord. You're bleeding out of your ears!

496
00:36:11,670 --> 00:36:15,980
[Kevin] Not blood. Those were my kidneys. Ugh.

497
00:36:15,980 --> 00:36:25,200
(birds chirping)

498
00:36:25,200 --> 00:36:30,190
[Bill] Non-infringing Utinni.

499
00:36:30,190 --> 00:36:37,770
Stop, Jason. Let me lead the way. [Mike] Heh heh. All that copper wiring is mine.

500
00:36:37,770 --> 00:36:42,340
♪♪♪

501
00:36:42,340 --> 00:36:45,700
♪♪♪

502
00:36:45,700 --> 00:36:51,510
[Kevin] It's crazy that "GUY inside the robot" was John Cazale's final role.

503
00:36:51,510 --> 00:36:53,910
♪♪♪

504
00:36:53,910 --> 00:36:57,620
♪♪♪

505
00:36:57,620 --> 00:37:03,540
[Bill] And they discover?? Any given front yard in rural North Carolina.

506
00:37:03,540 --> 00:37:11,070
♪♪♪

507
00:37:11,070 --> 00:37:17,390
♪♪♪ [Mike] Demilitarized splinter faction of the lollipop guild!

508
00:37:17,390 --> 00:37:21,280
♪♪♪ Jason!

509
00:37:21,280 --> 00:37:25,940
♪♪♪ [Kevin] Jason! It's a disco beat! Run!

510
00:37:25,940 --> 00:37:28,160
♪♪♪ Kim! Get behind the (indistinct)

511
00:37:28,160 --> 00:37:32,530
Not gonna hurt you! They only want our help! What do you mean?

512
00:37:32,530 --> 00:37:38,010
They're children! [Bill] Whoo. I hope they're Bebe's kids.

513
00:37:38,010 --> 00:37:41,200
♪♪♪

514
00:37:41,200 --> 00:37:45,510
♪♪♪

515
00:37:45,510 --> 00:37:47,840
[Mike] Julian Assange?

516
00:37:47,840 --> 00:37:54,370
♪♪♪

517
00:37:54,370 --> 00:38:01,180
♪♪♪ [Kevin] Uh, it's a tattoo. I went through a Gorbachev phase. So embarrassed.

518
00:38:01,180 --> 00:38:07,420
♪♪♪

519
00:38:07,420 --> 00:38:11,430
♪♪♪ Oh my god. [Bill] I have the same thing on my right butt cheek.

520
00:38:11,430 --> 00:38:17,300
♪♪♪

521
00:38:17,300 --> 00:38:22,640
These children must be survivors of the great robot war?

522
00:38:22,640 --> 00:38:26,650
[Mike] Turned out the way to survive was donning a ridiculous wig.

523
00:38:26,650 --> 00:38:31,410
♪♪♪

524
00:38:31,410 --> 00:38:33,880
♪♪♪ They must have been taken from the city, just before it started?

525
00:38:33,880 --> 00:38:39,590
[Kevin] Yeah, that kid definitely sold his parents out to the robots.

526
00:38:39,590 --> 00:38:44,210
I don't believe this. These kids must have been living out here for years.

527
00:38:44,210 --> 00:38:50,490
You all right? [Bill] Yes, but seeing them has been very hard on ME.

528
00:38:50,490 --> 00:38:54,990
Don't be scared. Yeah. I found a dead body near a station.

529
00:38:54,990 --> 00:39:00,140
It was Charlie. The children told me. He was trying to help them.

530
00:39:00,140 --> 00:39:02,290
[Mike] So they killed him.

531
00:39:02,290 --> 00:39:06,800
Jason, they're sick. Very sick. Radiation.

532
00:39:06,800 --> 00:39:09,740
(buzzing)

533
00:39:09,740 --> 00:39:13,630
Hey? Don't be afraid. Sparks is our friend.

534
00:39:13,630 --> 00:39:17,100
I guess they still have a fear of robots after what they did to this world.

535
00:39:17,100 --> 00:39:20,240
[Kevin] (scoffs) Whiners. Genocide was MONTHS ago.

536
00:39:20,240 --> 00:39:27,290
Toxic substances. I suggest the children be treated with RADIC-Q-2 as soon as possible.

537
00:39:27,290 --> 00:39:29,700
I'll be going back to the ship now.

538
00:39:29,700 --> 00:39:34,970
[Bill] Oop! He's gone! You can stop holding back the robot slurs. Let 'em rip!

539
00:39:34,970 --> 00:39:37,850
Back to the ship. Come on, kids.

540
00:39:37,850 --> 00:39:41,410
♪♪♪ We must inform Jason and Kim of your condition.

541
00:39:41,410 --> 00:39:44,180
Aww, they've got enough to do, without worrying about me.

542
00:39:44,180 --> 00:39:46,570
[Mike] Now are we gonna have sex or what?

543
00:39:46,570 --> 00:39:53,450
I feel fine. No. I managed this far, and I'll make it through to the end.

544
00:39:53,450 --> 00:39:58,550
[Kevin] Which seems to be about 15 minutes from now.

545
00:39:58,550 --> 00:40:02,570
This is Jason calling star streak. Come in please, star streak?

546
00:40:02,570 --> 00:40:04,430
[Bill] So, the robots came, and they were

547
00:40:04,430 --> 00:40:07,560
like "beep boo pop" and my dad was like, "Pow! Pow! Pow!" And I.

548
00:40:07,560 --> 00:40:11,240
[Mike] Ugh. Hurry up, radiation. Hurry up.

549
00:40:11,240 --> 00:40:16,510
Listen to me! We've gotta get back to the ship, and back on our way to delta three.

550
00:40:16,510 --> 00:40:17,930
These children need our help.

551
00:40:17,930 --> 00:40:21,120
[Kevin] These children are already dead! I mean, hi kids!

552
00:40:21,120 --> 00:40:25,680
Look, we can't go back to the Moon now. We can't take these children with us.

553
00:40:25,680 --> 00:40:28,800
[Mike] And, why is that? [Bill] Moving on!

554
00:40:28,800 --> 00:40:30,270
We can get to delta three, we could pick

555
00:40:30,270 --> 00:40:33,870
a supply of RADIC and be back here in a few days.

556
00:40:33,870 --> 00:40:36,500
That's the best chance these kids have got. And you know that.

557
00:40:36,500 --> 00:40:40,190
[Mike] Do you have water? [Bill] Why haven't you offered us food??

558
00:40:40,190 --> 00:40:47,520
Yeah. Listen kids, I know you've had a tough time.

559
00:40:47,520 --> 00:40:52,620
But please, just trust us. [Kevin] Sophie's choice. In SPACE!!

560
00:40:52,620 --> 00:40:57,110
Okay, now you kids just stay here, okay?

561
00:40:57,110 --> 00:41:00,460
Because we're gonna come back and get you.

562
00:41:00,460 --> 00:41:05,370
[Bill] In the meantime, no going into THE corn, and getting all creepy, okay?

563
00:41:05,370 --> 00:41:08,650
♪♪♪

564
00:41:08,650 --> 00:41:10,830
♪♪♪

565
00:41:10,830 --> 00:41:15,060
[Mike] Dammit. We should have eaten them while we had the chance!

566
00:41:15,060 --> 00:41:22,240
(sighs) [Kevin] Ugh. Clams smoothie. What was I thinking? Ugh. (Bill laughs)

567
00:41:22,240 --> 00:41:30,190
All secure here. Five, four, three, two, one.

568
00:41:30,190 --> 00:41:33,470
[Bill] No! That's the "nuke the kids" button!

569
00:41:33,470 --> 00:41:38,590
♪♪♪

570
00:41:38,590 --> 00:41:44,350
[Mike] It's like ET. If ET had left Elliot while he was getting mauled by a bear.

571
00:41:44,350 --> 00:41:48,110
♪♪♪ Third encompass ratio, point two eight nine.

572
00:41:48,110 --> 00:41:53,670
♪♪♪

573
00:41:53,670 --> 00:41:56,180
Initiating docking maneuvers with mother ship.

574
00:41:56,180 --> 00:41:57,940
[Kevin] Okay. I'm gonna initiate a ten minute nap,

575
00:41:57,940 --> 00:42:00,760
until the movie starts up again. (Bill laughs)

576
00:42:00,760 --> 00:42:03,480
[Kevin] Come on!

577
00:42:03,480 --> 00:42:08,010
♪♪♪

578
00:42:08,010 --> 00:42:11,880
♪♪♪ [Bill] Okay. At this point, it's the GRANDmothership.

579
00:42:11,880 --> 00:42:17,470
Air locks are activated. Docking completed. Okay. Set course.

580
00:42:17,470 --> 00:42:22,950
[Mike] They put a piece of tape over property of high school AV club.

581
00:42:22,950 --> 00:42:28,440
Course set for delta three. Sequence (indistinct).

582
00:42:28,440 --> 00:42:32,020
♪♪♪ Activate pulse generators for force shield.

583
00:42:32,020 --> 00:42:34,440
[Kevin] Activate emotions and inflection.

584
00:42:34,440 --> 00:42:38,760
Pulse generator activated. Good.

585
00:42:38,760 --> 00:42:43,730
[Bill] (laughs) He's like Chewbacca's dad watching Diahann Carrol. [Kevin] Ugh!

586
00:42:43,730 --> 00:42:46,430
Stop that! ♪♪♪

587
00:42:46,430 --> 00:42:52,180
♪♪♪

588
00:42:52,180 --> 00:42:56,830
[Mike] The day, the plot stood still.

589
00:42:56,830 --> 00:42:59,960
♪♪♪ Spectrum drive approaching control speed.

590
00:42:59,960 --> 00:43:04,970
I want to log off now. [Kevin] I wished I had said that 15 years ago!

591
00:43:04,970 --> 00:43:08,670
Well, it couldn't have been smoother.

592
00:43:08,670 --> 00:43:14,490
Any course correction Sparks? Negative. No deviations from set flight path.

593
00:43:14,490 --> 00:43:16,710
Path. Path. Path.

594
00:43:16,710 --> 00:43:22,100
[Bill] Still a better assistant than Cortana. (Sparks keeps repeating Path, Path).

595
00:43:22,100 --> 00:43:25,210
(turns off switch)

596
00:43:25,210 --> 00:43:27,090
Okay, take it east, Sparks.

597
00:43:27,090 --> 00:43:31,440
[Mike] RAM overflow, causing an infinifte boot loop error? Try "taking it easy".

598
00:43:31,440 --> 00:43:36,570
Get a better self adjusting tape for you when we get back to the Moon.

599
00:43:36,570 --> 00:43:40,660
[Kevin] The robot equivalent of taking the cartridge out and blowing on it.

600
00:43:40,660 --> 00:43:44,980
(buzzing) (she laughs)

601
00:43:44,980 --> 00:43:48,020
Thank you. Yeah. Anytime Sparks.

602
00:43:48,020 --> 00:43:52,300
[Bill] He's a fire hazard and that DELIGHTS her!

603
00:43:52,300 --> 00:44:00,280
Well, the ship's performing beautifully. And I'm beginning to feel, just a little hungry.

604
00:44:00,280 --> 00:44:05,520
You look a little tired? No, no, Kim. I'm not tired. I'm just, hungry.

605
00:44:05,520 --> 00:44:10,480
[Mike] Got any chips or fruit or? I don't know, RADIC-Q-2? I mean I'm fine.

606
00:44:10,480 --> 00:44:15,770
Nothing for me, thanks. Okay. Perhaps later.

607
00:44:15,770 --> 00:44:19,650
[Kevin] (robotic voice) You know what? Just shove some ham into my CD drive.

608
00:44:19,650 --> 00:44:25,060
♪♪♪

609
00:44:25,060 --> 00:44:30,450
♪♪♪ [Bill] The rarely seen grizzled YOUNG prospector.

610
00:44:30,450 --> 00:44:34,650
I hope we have enough parts here.

611
00:44:34,650 --> 00:44:38,150
Our last hope is the signal out in space.

612
00:44:38,150 --> 00:44:42,180
[Mike] Stop, or we'll gradually make our way down there, leaving you plenty of time to escape.

613
00:44:42,180 --> 00:44:46,400
(beeping)

614
00:44:46,400 --> 00:44:50,130
(beeping) ♪♪♪

615
00:44:50,130 --> 00:44:51,750
[Kevin] You know? It looks like it was purchased

616
00:44:51,750 --> 00:44:54,380
in the back room of an adult book shop.

617
00:44:54,380 --> 00:45:02,820
♪♪♪

618
00:45:02,820 --> 00:45:05,060
♪♪♪ [Bill] And, even though they don't have flight attendants,

619
00:45:05,060 --> 00:45:09,200
a flight attendant still yells at her, that the seat belt light is still on.

620
00:45:09,200 --> 00:45:12,780
By the way Kim, I am looking forward to that new tape when we get back.

621
00:45:12,780 --> 00:45:15,010
I don't know, Sparks.

622
00:45:15,010 --> 00:45:16,960
Sometimes the way you look at me, you give me the feeling that?

623
00:45:16,960 --> 00:45:19,130
[Mike] You're super horny.

624
00:45:19,130 --> 00:45:23,080
Forget it. You are just a robot, aren't you? I'm afraid so.

625
00:45:23,080 --> 00:45:26,310
But if there is any change, you'll be the first to know.

626
00:45:26,310 --> 00:45:30,870
[Kevin] Oh, suicide robot. You're so wacky!

627
00:45:37,080 --> 00:45:40,250
Hmm. Hi. Hi.

628
00:45:40,250 --> 00:45:45,740
[Bill] Just reading Jonathan Franzen. The radiation death seems not so bad now.

629
00:45:45,740 --> 00:45:52,120
What's that? Oh, this is a very old book.

630
00:45:52,120 --> 00:45:55,960
[Mike] See Spot rrrrrrrrr-run!

631
00:45:55,960 --> 00:46:00,850
Must be very rare? Oh yes, it is. Yes. Most of them were destroyed of course.

632
00:46:00,850 --> 00:46:04,580
Some of them survive, in memory baffles, but.

633
00:46:04,580 --> 00:46:09,030
Well, that's the real thing. What's it about?

634
00:46:09,030 --> 00:46:12,490
[Kevin] Ah? Okay, I'll level with you. I'm illiterate.

635
00:46:12,490 --> 00:46:19,420
Well, it's about your people. An ancient country called Greece.

636
00:46:19,420 --> 00:46:21,770
There were a bunch of philosophers.

637
00:46:21,770 --> 00:46:24,280
And, they, well, they?

638
00:46:24,280 --> 00:46:26,240
[Bill] Didn't look anything like you.

639
00:46:26,240 --> 00:46:30,610
Try to understand nature of the universe.

640
00:46:30,610 --> 00:46:33,710
Of course, they had only their own imaginations.

641
00:46:33,710 --> 00:46:37,470
But, what an imagination it was.

642
00:46:37,470 --> 00:46:40,840
[Mike] Plus they played sports. Nude as hell.

643
00:46:40,840 --> 00:46:45,880
Vision. Their ideas. ♪♪♪

644
00:46:45,880 --> 00:46:47,670
Never ceased to amaze me.

645
00:46:47,670 --> 00:46:49,070
[Kevin] They didn't even have movies.

646
00:46:49,070 --> 00:46:52,280
And their movies were STILL better than this! (Bill laughs)

647
00:46:52,280 --> 00:46:55,940
I'm just a musty old professor lecturing to myself.

648
00:46:55,940 --> 00:46:58,910
No, you're much more than that.

649
00:46:58,910 --> 00:47:01,970
Well, you don't have to humor me, Just because I'm an old man, you know?

650
00:47:01,970 --> 00:47:04,680
You're the youngest man I know.

651
00:47:04,680 --> 00:47:08,520
[Mike] Except Chistopher Plummer and maybe the Crypt Keeper.

652
00:47:08,520 --> 00:47:12,160
Thank you.

653
00:47:12,160 --> 00:47:17,500
[Kevin] She's totally into me. Yeah.

654
00:47:17,500 --> 00:47:21,920
I'm getting an intense gravitational pull on my read outs.

655
00:47:21,920 --> 00:47:27,710
[Bill] Oh sure. Ignore the robot. I was programmed to have feelings, you know?

656
00:47:27,710 --> 00:47:33,080
On board computer reports proximity of an enormous magnetic field.

657
00:47:33,080 --> 00:47:36,780
[Mike] Our credit cards will rendered useless.

658
00:47:36,780 --> 00:47:41,150
Now to do with equal push. We'll have to increase spectrum drive.

659
00:47:41,150 --> 00:47:45,440
By point zero, zero two. Zero zero two. Locked in.

660
00:47:45,440 --> 00:47:46,880
I've got zero zero four, Jason?

661
00:47:46,880 --> 00:47:50,190
No, zero zero two. It's zero zero six now, and we're still increasing!

662
00:47:50,190 --> 00:47:52,340
It just can't be

663
00:47:52,340 --> 00:47:56,030
[Kevin] Well tough luck running into the giant purple onion ring of doom.

664
00:47:56,030 --> 00:47:59,350
[Bill] Looks delicious though. [Kevin] Mm hmm.

665
00:47:59,350 --> 00:48:01,200
Going out of control.

666
00:48:01,200 --> 00:48:05,190
[Bill] Maybe this is the fabled "danger zone" Kenny Loggins warned us about.

667
00:48:05,190 --> 00:48:11,460
Switches are jammed! Give me the manual override. Negative.

668
00:48:11,460 --> 00:48:14,740
It won't release. What do you mean negative?

669
00:48:14,740 --> 00:48:17,780
[Mike] You know? Like the reviews of The Shape of Things to Come?

670
00:48:17,780 --> 00:48:20,930
[Bill] Hey ho!

671
00:48:20,930 --> 00:48:26,080
Get back! Losing our magnetic fields! We're gonna break up!

672
00:48:26,080 --> 00:48:31,910
[Kevin] It's not you. It's the magnetic field. (buzzing)

673
00:48:31,910 --> 00:48:36,640
[Bill] Uh oh. Movie's in Cloverfield mode.

674
00:48:36,640 --> 00:48:39,140
[Kevin] Dude! Come on! Dude!

675
00:48:39,140 --> 00:48:42,980
[Bill] Hello? [Kevin] Dude!

676
00:48:42,980 --> 00:48:49,680
(buzzing) [Mike] Well, still better than flying Frontier

677
00:48:56,410 --> 00:48:59,610
♪♪♪

678
00:48:59,610 --> 00:49:04,640
♪♪♪ [Kevin] Ugh. I think that gallon of Tang is about to come back up.

679
00:49:04,640 --> 00:49:11,420
♪♪♪

680
00:49:11,420 --> 00:49:16,330
♪♪♪ [Bill] I actually met my wife at a slow motion zero G dance.

681
00:49:16,330 --> 00:49:23,040
♪♪♪

682
00:49:23,040 --> 00:49:27,880
♪♪♪ [Mike] I've changed my mind. Boys hands are icky. ♪♪♪

683
00:49:27,880 --> 00:49:34,430
♪♪♪

684
00:49:34,430 --> 00:49:38,580
♪♪♪ [Kevin] You know it's a nice ship, because it's got two ASS engines.

685
00:49:38,580 --> 00:49:43,140
♪♪♪

686
00:49:43,140 --> 00:49:47,800
[Bill] (laughs) Dude.

687
00:49:47,800 --> 00:49:51,720
♪♪♪ [Bill] Cue the Flashdance water bucket! ♪♪♪

688
00:49:51,720 --> 00:49:59,970
♪♪♪

689
00:49:59,970 --> 00:50:02,410
♪♪♪ [Mike] The storm is blue, because it's actually

690
00:50:02,410 --> 00:50:06,060
a collection of disembodied Smurf souls.

691
00:50:06,060 --> 00:50:11,020
♪♪♪

692
00:50:11,020 --> 00:50:15,460
[Kevin] So, did they spark up some doobage in a deleted scene?

693
00:50:15,460 --> 00:50:18,750
♪♪♪ (Bill groans)

694
00:50:18,750 --> 00:50:24,200
♪♪♪

695
00:50:24,200 --> 00:50:28,660
♪♪♪ [Bill] I imagine this is what I'd look like while watching Chappy. [Kevin] Ugh.

696
00:50:28,660 --> 00:50:35,530
♪♪♪

697
00:50:35,530 --> 00:50:41,890
[Mike] (robotic voice) Readings indicate that we're tripping balls. (Bill laughs)

698
00:50:41,890 --> 00:50:47,550
[Kevin] Ass engine number two, is my favorite ass engine.

699
00:50:47,550 --> 00:50:50,600
♪♪♪

700
00:50:50,600 --> 00:50:54,870
♪♪♪

701
00:50:54,870 --> 00:50:57,000
What the hell was that all about?

702
00:50:57,000 --> 00:50:59,560
[Bill] (laughs) Hey! We do the riffing around here!

703
00:50:59,560 --> 00:51:04,170
Dilation. Kim?

704
00:51:04,170 --> 00:51:10,320
Kim? Kim?

705
00:51:10,320 --> 00:51:13,900
[Mike] Wake up and tell me if I'm James Marsden or not.

706
00:51:13,900 --> 00:51:17,480
We rode it out. Still in one piece.

707
00:51:17,480 --> 00:51:24,460
♪♪♪ Jason, look!

708
00:51:24,460 --> 00:51:27,400
[Kevin] Someone carmelized the top half of the planet.

709
00:51:27,400 --> 00:51:32,310
♪♪♪

710
00:51:32,310 --> 00:51:34,550
Sparks? Can we have an update on our coordinates?

711
00:51:34,550 --> 00:51:36,520
[Bill] Maybe a calf massage?

712
00:51:36,520 --> 00:51:38,420
Gravitational pull on delta three.

713
00:51:38,420 --> 00:51:42,360
But our excessive speed has used up most of our nuclear power.

714
00:51:42,360 --> 00:51:47,060
How bad is it, Sparks? We'll be lucky just to live into orbit, doctor.

715
00:51:47,060 --> 00:51:49,580
[Mike] Daft Punk should have stopped with the helmets.

716
00:51:49,580 --> 00:51:52,000
Hold on. I have a monitor sighting.

717
00:51:52,000 --> 00:51:56,700
A delta three cargo ship, same as Fobus four. Robot pilot aboard.

718
00:51:56,700 --> 00:51:59,110
Explosive load in the hold.

719
00:51:59,110 --> 00:52:03,160
[Kevin] Explosive load in the hold? Ship must have stopped by a Chipotle.

720
00:52:03,160 --> 00:52:09,750
Catch up and destroy it. I'm picking up radio signals from delta three.

721
00:52:09,750 --> 00:52:12,620
That's a distress signal. Can we get a fix on that, Sparks?

722
00:52:12,620 --> 00:52:16,110
[Bill] Should get a lot of use out of their "robo slave".

723
00:52:16,110 --> 00:52:19,850
I have the exact coordinates. All right then. We're going down.

724
00:52:19,850 --> 00:52:25,410
Prepare to disengage. ♪♪♪

725
00:52:25,410 --> 00:52:30,020
♪♪♪ [Mike] It's not every day you see a space ship circumcision.

726
00:52:30,020 --> 00:52:35,640
♪♪♪ Anti-gravitational controls activated. [Kevin] No thanks to you, meat sacks!

727
00:52:35,640 --> 00:52:41,590
(buzzing)

728
00:52:41,590 --> 00:52:47,170
Well, well. What do we have here?

729
00:52:47,170 --> 00:52:49,830
[Bill] Should I believe it? Or not?

730
00:52:49,830 --> 00:52:53,010
Planet.

731
00:52:53,010 --> 00:52:56,780
Niki, look!

732
00:52:56,780 --> 00:53:02,880
Someone did hear! C'mon!

733
00:53:02,880 --> 00:53:05,710
[Mike] Everyone bring your weapons of welcome.

734
00:53:05,710 --> 00:53:12,730
(buzzing)

735
00:53:12,730 --> 00:53:18,360
It seems to me we ought to send out a little reception committee.

736
00:53:18,360 --> 00:53:24,640
[Kevin] I can't even with you right now. (Bill laughs)

737
00:53:24,640 --> 00:53:30,000
[Bill] Hmm. Should I put on my informal hanging around the house cape?

738
00:53:30,000 --> 00:53:35,460
(laughs)

739
00:53:35,460 --> 00:53:39,540
[Mike] And that's why only I am allowed to have buttons.

740
00:53:45,320 --> 00:53:47,810
Well! It can't be??

741
00:53:47,810 --> 00:53:51,220
[Kevin] It's the lady from Sledgehammer!

742
00:53:51,220 --> 00:53:55,350
Niki! John! John Caball!

743
00:53:55,350 --> 00:53:58,010
This is Niki. Kim Bradley. My son, Jason.

744
00:53:58,010 --> 00:54:01,010
Hello! This is Merrick. My deputy. Hello there.

745
00:54:01,010 --> 00:54:04,670
Welcome friends, but we'd better get away from here.

746
00:54:04,670 --> 00:54:08,070
[Bill] Oh why did Jeff Bezos have to give Alexa arms,

747
00:54:08,070 --> 00:54:12,060
legs and a desire to exterminate humanity?

748
00:54:12,060 --> 00:54:16,470
Too late. [Mike] You dang kids!

749
00:54:16,470 --> 00:54:20,120
Run! Discharge them. Robot, I left the port.

750
00:54:20,120 --> 00:54:25,240
♪♪♪

751
00:54:25,240 --> 00:54:29,040
♪♪♪ [Kevin] I've gotta say, this is not Black Mirror's strongest episode.

752
00:54:29,040 --> 00:54:32,700
(shots fire) ♪♪♪

753
00:54:32,700 --> 00:54:39,760
♪♪♪ (shots fire)

754
00:54:39,760 --> 00:54:43,630
♪♪♪ [Bill] These new eco-friendly killbots can't hold a charge.

755
00:54:50,420 --> 00:54:54,980
I am Omus! (Bill laughs) Emperor of delta three!

756
00:54:54,980 --> 00:54:59,720
[Mike] And yes, I'm currently standing on a Roomba. (Bill laughs)

757
00:54:59,720 --> 00:55:04,680
How marvelous to see you. I want to talk to you, Omus!

758
00:55:04,680 --> 00:55:09,160
In person, not just to a? Disembodied face.

759
00:55:09,160 --> 00:55:12,470
However impressive, your holographic invention.

760
00:55:12,470 --> 00:55:15,280
[Kevin] Wait. You live on a Moon colony, and THIS impresses you?

761
00:55:15,280 --> 00:55:19,510
I have many impressive things to show you in my citadel.

762
00:55:19,510 --> 00:55:22,650
All right. let's get on with it. How do I get to the citadel?

763
00:55:22,650 --> 00:55:25,990
[Bill] I'm cranky and ready to die! (Kevin laughs)

764
00:55:25,990 --> 00:55:30,590
A guard robot will bring you. John, this could be dangerous!

765
00:55:30,590 --> 00:55:35,850
I'm aware of that, Niki. Father, please! Don't try it alone. It's too risky.

766
00:55:35,850 --> 00:55:39,120
If anyone can get to him, maybe I can.

767
00:55:39,120 --> 00:55:40,980
[Mike] I can be very persuasive.

768
00:55:40,980 --> 00:55:46,620
I'm the one who convinced Fox to uncancel Family Guy.

769
00:55:46,620 --> 00:55:54,670
♪♪♪ [Kevin] So bald, and yet so brave.

770
00:55:54,670 --> 00:56:00,900
♪♪♪ [Bill] Next, I'm going to project myself into a Hooters!

771
00:56:00,900 --> 00:56:08,020
♪♪♪

772
00:56:08,020 --> 00:56:12,100
♪♪♪ [Mike] Someone's jealous of his dad's new robot friends.

773
00:56:12,100 --> 00:56:15,980
♪♪♪

774
00:56:15,980 --> 00:56:19,740
♪♪♪ Jason? [Kevin] I just want to say, "Tag! You're it!" Hee hee.

775
00:56:19,740 --> 00:56:23,650
♪♪♪

776
00:56:23,650 --> 00:56:27,770
♪♪♪

777
00:56:27,770 --> 00:56:31,170
♪♪♪ [Bill] So, you guys know that robot from Lost in Space?

778
00:56:31,170 --> 00:56:38,370
♪♪♪

779
00:56:38,370 --> 00:56:41,100
Star streak. Yes. Perfect.

780
00:56:41,100 --> 00:56:44,100
[Mike] That's what I'll call my ska band.

781
00:56:44,100 --> 00:56:49,350
No better way to return to New Washington than in Caball's pride and joy.

782
00:56:49,350 --> 00:56:53,450
[Kevin] Whoo. Unless I flew in on a space dragon.

783
00:56:53,450 --> 00:56:58,930
Well, I'm not waiting any longer. I'm going to the citadel. It's not that easy.

784
00:56:58,930 --> 00:57:02,460
Show me the way won't you? You really want me to?

785
00:57:02,460 --> 00:57:06,030
[Bill] Sure. You're dad's gonna die, but it's almost half a mile away!

786
00:57:06,030 --> 00:57:09,950
Go ahead. How's the power problem? Still working on it.

787
00:57:09,950 --> 00:57:13,640
Okay. Keep monitoring us and maintain sensors on Dr. Caball, all right?

788
00:57:13,640 --> 00:57:17,080
Affirmative. It's this way. Okay.

789
00:57:17,080 --> 00:57:21,490
[Mike] Uh, it's through the only door on the whole planet? Gotcha.

790
00:57:21,490 --> 00:57:27,400
♪♪♪

791
00:57:27,400 --> 00:57:29,610
[Bill] Okay. I'll go in, but I told you two

792
00:57:29,610 --> 00:57:33,190
knuckleheads how I feel about surprise parties.

793
00:57:33,190 --> 00:57:37,670
♪♪♪

794
00:57:37,670 --> 00:57:39,610
Dr. Caball?

795
00:57:39,610 --> 00:57:43,740
[Mike] Though I'd better spin like my hologram, so you recognize me.

796
00:57:43,740 --> 00:57:47,170
[Bill] (laughs) And he did it.

797
00:57:47,170 --> 00:57:51,560
[Kevin] You know, if I wore a cape to work, I'd get a standing desk. But that's just me.

798
00:57:51,560 --> 00:57:55,580
[Bill] Yeah, you don't want to be sitting on it all the time. [Kevin] No.

799
00:57:55,580 --> 00:58:01,780
My old mentor. Considering our past relationship, Omus,

800
00:58:01,780 --> 00:58:04,370
I think that you owe me some sort of explanation.

801
00:58:04,370 --> 00:58:07,990
[Bill] You mean he OMES us some sort of explanation.

802
00:58:07,990 --> 00:58:10,470
I don't like myself.

803
00:58:10,470 --> 00:58:13,130
[Kevin] No, nor do I.

804
00:58:13,130 --> 00:58:16,110
[Mike] He's looking for another excuse to spin.

805
00:58:22,210 --> 00:58:27,040
[Kevin] Love when a sci-fi epic takes the time to REALLY showcase an office.

806
00:58:27,040 --> 00:58:30,570
(beeping)

807
00:58:30,570 --> 00:58:36,110
Now watch this. This is a RADIC-Q-2 factory.

808
00:58:36,110 --> 00:58:40,250
[Bill] I'm told the janitors will super wax the floors without warning anyone.

809
00:58:40,250 --> 00:58:43,210
Let's watch the fun.

810
00:58:43,210 --> 00:58:48,450
♪♪♪ My empire. With a network of underground tunnels.

811
00:58:48,450 --> 00:58:53,580
[Mike] I'll finally be able to catch those ruffians at Delta house in the act!

812
00:58:53,580 --> 00:58:59,680
Mechanical warriors. Mining robots. Turned into obedient soldiers.

813
00:58:59,680 --> 00:59:01,460
[Kevin] Soldier robots.

814
00:59:01,460 --> 00:59:05,210
There's a new circuitry to handle more sophisticated input.

815
00:59:05,210 --> 00:59:10,470
♪♪♪ And a capacity for. [Bill] Wearing a gaudy brooch.

816
00:59:10,470 --> 00:59:15,180
But, totally loyal to you, no doubt?

817
00:59:15,180 --> 00:59:20,430
(laughs) Well, the Moon colony will never accept a dictator!

818
00:59:20,430 --> 00:59:23,590
That's one thing at least we've learned, from the history of planet Earth.

819
00:59:23,590 --> 00:59:25,670
[Mike] Yep. No dictators there.

820
00:59:25,670 --> 00:59:29,370
Doctor. You are the one who inspired me!

821
00:59:29,370 --> 00:59:32,060
Taught me to place science above all else!

822
00:59:32,060 --> 00:59:38,120
Remember about humanity! If I didn't teach you you that, failed you miserably. I?

823
00:59:38,120 --> 00:59:40,210
[Kevin] That's my favorite vowel.

824
00:59:40,210 --> 00:59:43,190
The world a future. You're back in some dark past!

825
00:59:43,190 --> 00:59:45,200
People are no longer necessary.

826
00:59:45,200 --> 00:59:49,360
Even, I. Someday! May no longer be necessary, and you?

827
00:59:49,360 --> 00:59:54,190
[Bill] Every sentence feels like a broken roller coaster.

828
00:59:54,190 --> 01:00:00,180
...are certainly no longer necessary. Omus! You're a sick man!

829
01:00:00,180 --> 01:00:04,480
Let me help you! No doctor! Let me help you.

830
01:00:04,480 --> 01:00:07,840
[Mike] This enlarging pump really works.

831
01:00:07,840 --> 01:00:14,760
Give you, your last lesson on the power, of science.

832
01:00:14,760 --> 01:00:18,940
Merrick, you stay here with the others. Kim, Jason and I are going in.

833
01:00:18,940 --> 01:00:20,780
[Kevin] We should succeed and survive as long

834
01:00:20,780 --> 01:00:24,440
as the bad guy isn't wearing a dumb, clear, plastic helmet.

835
01:00:30,650 --> 01:00:33,240
(door closes)

836
01:00:33,240 --> 01:00:36,210
[Bill] Must, let, the beat, drop!

837
01:00:36,210 --> 01:00:39,590
(buzzing)

838
01:00:39,590 --> 01:00:42,560
(buzzing)

839
01:00:42,560 --> 01:00:46,400
[Mike] (laughs) The pee pants machine is too powerful! (Kevin laughs)

840
01:00:46,400 --> 01:00:51,530
[Bill] I'm going! I'm going!

841
01:00:51,530 --> 01:00:57,020
[Kevin] (laughs) Humping a box, until you spit blood. The Shape of Things to Come!

842
01:00:57,020 --> 01:01:01,570
(screaming) [Bill] I (bleep) love science.

843
01:01:01,570 --> 01:01:06,000
(screaming)

844
01:01:06,000 --> 01:01:12,790
[Mike] It's not the machine. His air pods are just playing Supertramp. (Bill laughs)

845
01:01:12,790 --> 01:01:18,890
[Kevin] Okay. Advanced space station, or YMCA basement?

846
01:01:18,890 --> 01:01:22,360
(buzzing)

847
01:01:22,360 --> 01:01:27,630
(buzzing)

848
01:01:27,630 --> 01:01:30,320
[Bill] Oh, whoops! Forgot to give you the other helmet.

849
01:01:30,320 --> 01:01:33,720
Had it right under here all along. What a goof!

850
01:01:33,720 --> 01:01:38,600
(buzzing stops)

851
01:01:38,600 --> 01:01:47,040
[Mike] I hope he's not, dead. I wanted to breathily monologue at him, some more!

852
01:01:47,040 --> 01:01:50,030
Where's your humanism, now, doctor?

853
01:01:50,030 --> 01:01:53,900
[Kevin] Vibrating head thingy one, humanism, zero.

854
01:01:53,900 --> 01:01:58,410
I'm not getting any of your vital signs. Dr. Caball? Do you read me?

855
01:02:02,550 --> 01:02:06,440
B3R765?

856
01:02:06,440 --> 01:02:10,630
[Bill] Activation code for your parent's HBO go, confirmed.

857
01:02:10,630 --> 01:02:15,680
This is Omus. Your creator.

858
01:02:15,680 --> 01:02:19,430
[Mike] Please self destruct. You're embarrassing your creator.

859
01:02:24,820 --> 01:02:28,290
[Kevin] Debbie Harry hits the studio to record Rapture.

860
01:02:28,290 --> 01:02:32,850
It's Omus. And he's alone. Go ahead.

861
01:02:32,850 --> 01:02:34,810
[Bill] Trap is SO obvious, it might as well be a

862
01:02:34,810 --> 01:02:40,460
propped up cardboard box labeled "free bird seed", but go ahead.

863
01:02:40,460 --> 01:02:44,210
♪♪♪

864
01:02:44,210 --> 01:02:47,720
Omus? [Mike] That's a cape on a chair, son.

865
01:02:47,720 --> 01:02:51,630
[Bill] (laughs) He's not too bright.

866
01:02:51,630 --> 01:02:55,670
♪♪♪ Omus?

867
01:02:55,670 --> 01:02:57,410
[Kevin] The margarita pitcher is empty.

868
01:02:57,410 --> 01:03:00,480
Omus!

869
01:03:00,480 --> 01:03:05,340
♪♪♪ [Bill] He dripped blood on Omus's cape! Ah ha ho! Poor Omus!

870
01:03:05,340 --> 01:03:09,430
I knew. He was wrong. I knew it was too dangerous.

871
01:03:09,430 --> 01:03:11,520
He knew the danger, Jason.

872
01:03:11,520 --> 01:03:14,910
[Mike] Anybody want to check for a pulse? No?

873
01:03:14,910 --> 01:03:19,680
Get the cloak off of him. Be careful.

874
01:03:19,680 --> 01:03:23,570
[Kevin] See? This is where a yellowed back brace would REALLY come in handy.

875
01:03:23,570 --> 01:03:27,950
[Bill] Ugh. ♪♪♪

876
01:03:27,950 --> 01:03:34,200
♪♪♪ [Bill] Whooops! Everything popped out like a pinata. (Bill mumbles)

877
01:03:34,200 --> 01:03:41,320
♪♪♪ It's a severe radiation burn. He was dying.

878
01:03:41,320 --> 01:03:45,400
[Mike] In my medical opinion, the dying is what lead to his death.

879
01:03:45,400 --> 01:03:48,010
♪♪♪ [Bill] Hmm. Science.

880
01:03:48,010 --> 01:03:52,480
But that isn't what killed him. It was Omus.

881
01:03:52,480 --> 01:03:58,000
[Kevin] Ole MISS? The University of Mississippi? [Bill] I don't think that's.

882
01:03:58,000 --> 01:04:03,860
♪♪♪ [Bill] I need sugar free gum, and I need it now.

883
01:04:03,860 --> 01:04:08,780
Sparks? Sparks, do you read me? Let me try.

884
01:04:08,780 --> 01:04:11,020
Sparks? This is Kim. Do you read me?

885
01:04:11,020 --> 01:04:15,270
[Mike] Sparks is busy watching the movie he's in.

886
01:04:15,270 --> 01:04:19,210
What's he doing??? The module's moving. What's he doing?!

887
01:04:19,210 --> 01:04:22,730
Sparks? Sparks please! Don't you remember?

888
01:04:22,730 --> 01:04:26,210
[Kevin] That magical night? All those things you said?

889
01:04:26,210 --> 01:04:29,540
Oil refineries, the old staff quarters?

890
01:04:29,540 --> 01:04:32,780
Get the others. We're gonna need help. Okay. Come on.

891
01:04:32,780 --> 01:04:35,540
[Bill] We're late for Circus of the Stars.

892
01:04:35,540 --> 01:04:38,820
♪♪♪

893
01:04:38,820 --> 01:04:43,580
♪♪♪

894
01:04:43,580 --> 01:04:45,230
♪♪♪ [Mike] Even in the future, pressing the

895
01:04:45,230 --> 01:04:49,480
button a bunch, won't make it come faster. ♪♪♪

896
01:04:49,480 --> 01:04:54,110
♪♪♪

897
01:04:54,110 --> 01:04:58,070
[Kevin] Oh, I forgot everything we practiced! [Mike] Yeah, same here.

898
01:05:01,860 --> 01:05:06,490
[Bill] Ow! Did that look authentic, you guys? [Mike] Oh, for sure!

899
01:05:06,490 --> 01:05:12,820
♪♪♪

900
01:05:12,820 --> 01:05:16,600
♪♪♪ [Kevin] This whole fight is one big "Why are you hitting yourself?"

901
01:05:16,600 --> 01:05:19,660
♪♪♪ (grunting)

902
01:05:19,660 --> 01:05:22,000
(screaming)

903
01:05:22,000 --> 01:05:23,810
[Bill] These highly sophisticated robots will throw

904
01:05:23,810 --> 01:05:27,530
punches at your mid section, and BASH you with a big rock.

905
01:05:27,530 --> 01:05:32,410
♪♪♪

906
01:05:32,410 --> 01:05:33,990
♪♪♪ Sparks, come in please?

907
01:05:33,990 --> 01:05:36,540
[Mike] I can't get the blender to work. Come in, Sparks.

908
01:05:36,540 --> 01:05:41,280
Don't waste your energies. Omus? Yes.

909
01:05:41,280 --> 01:05:44,740
And you're the son of John Caball.

910
01:05:44,740 --> 01:05:49,710
[Kevin] Not quite the son of Jor-El but we take what we can get.

911
01:05:49,710 --> 01:05:56,690
(beeping) The star streak module. It will arrive at the citadel any moment now.

912
01:05:56,690 --> 01:05:59,850
[Bill] His plan is to destroy the military school in South Carolina?

913
01:05:59,850 --> 01:06:02,000
[Kevin] I don't think that's the same thing.

914
01:06:02,000 --> 01:06:03,970
[Bill] I think.

915
01:06:03,970 --> 01:06:06,520
Say a last farewell to this place. And to you and your friends.

916
01:06:06,520 --> 01:06:10,770
Except of course, Sparks, who's now working for me.

917
01:06:10,770 --> 01:06:15,080
[Mike] Bubba Sparks that is. I needed a hillbilly rapper.

918
01:06:15,080 --> 01:06:20,880
I am going to destroy delta three. Why? For what reason?

919
01:06:20,880 --> 01:06:24,710
Because I am returning to the Moon, as spiritual successor

920
01:06:24,710 --> 01:06:30,110
to the late Dr. Caball, who unfortunately died heroically, along.

921
01:06:30,110 --> 01:06:33,080
[Kevin] I keep thinking the sentence is over, but it's not!!

922
01:06:33,080 --> 01:06:36,950
Cosmic accident. And there will be no one to prove me wrong.

923
01:06:36,950 --> 01:06:40,460
(beeping)

924
01:06:40,460 --> 01:06:42,410
[Bill] Good, good. We're building up to the big finish,

925
01:06:42,410 --> 01:06:45,200
so let's keep ALL the action right here in this office.

926
01:06:45,200 --> 01:06:48,880
[Kevin] (laughs) Yeah.

927
01:06:48,880 --> 01:06:54,760
When I activate that switch, it will set into motion the most incredible forces.

928
01:06:54,760 --> 01:06:57,710
[Mike] That's what I say, when I use my soda stream.

929
01:06:57,710 --> 01:07:00,170
An evolutionary process that could take a billion years,

930
01:07:00,170 --> 01:07:03,180
I could speed up, into a matter of minutes.

931
01:07:03,180 --> 01:07:05,410
[Kevin] Well, speed up your dialog delivery next.

932
01:07:05,410 --> 01:07:09,970
The entire planet? And our only source of RADIC-Q-2?

933
01:07:09,970 --> 01:07:14,940
My cargo ships are fully loaded. They will accompany me on my mission of peace.

934
01:07:14,940 --> 01:07:18,970
[Bill] Fully loaded with DVD copies of Herbie: Fully Loaded.

935
01:07:18,970 --> 01:07:21,840
I will be welcomed as a KING! (Kevin laughs)

936
01:07:25,730 --> 01:07:31,510
[Mike] Is it safe to come out yet? Or is Jack Palance still talking?

937
01:07:31,510 --> 01:07:36,280
(gasps) [Kevin] Dry ice! Motley Crue has struck again!

938
01:07:36,280 --> 01:07:41,190
♪♪♪

939
01:07:41,190 --> 01:07:44,380
[Bill] Hold hands with robots much?

940
01:07:44,380 --> 01:07:48,650
♪♪♪ Omus!

941
01:07:48,650 --> 01:07:54,490
[Mike] That button just guaranteed a City Slickers reboot in 2021. You fiend!

942
01:07:54,490 --> 01:07:56,340
♪♪♪

943
01:07:56,340 --> 01:08:03,260
I must go now. ♪♪♪ Omus! You murderer!

944
01:08:03,260 --> 01:08:05,840
[Kevin] Guys? If I'm ever murdered by someone named Omus,

945
01:08:05,840 --> 01:08:11,230
please tell people it was a heart attack.

946
01:08:11,230 --> 01:08:18,070
♪♪♪ [Bill] Knobs and buttons. Way more fun than space ships, right kids?

947
01:08:18,070 --> 01:08:24,340
(buzzing)

948
01:08:24,340 --> 01:08:27,400
(buzzing) [Mike] I can dance like James Brown.

949
01:08:27,400 --> 01:08:31,180
(buzzing)

950
01:08:31,180 --> 01:08:34,140
Come on, Niki.

951
01:08:34,140 --> 01:08:37,230
[Kevin] Prince's even dirtier follow up to Darling Niki.

952
01:08:37,230 --> 01:08:42,240
They're dead.

953
01:08:42,240 --> 01:08:48,780
[Bill] (robotic voice) We are your prom dates. Hello.

954
01:08:48,780 --> 01:08:53,340
(buzzing) I must reprogram Omus's robots.

955
01:08:53,340 --> 01:08:55,270
[Mike] (singing) Omus's robots.

956
01:08:55,270 --> 01:09:00,360
Writing the words of a sermon that no one will hear!

957
01:09:00,360 --> 01:09:04,410
(beeping) [Mike] (singing) Robots come near.

958
01:09:04,410 --> 01:09:08,050
(beeping)

959
01:09:08,050 --> 01:09:11,070
(beeping)

960
01:09:11,070 --> 01:09:14,910
(beeping) Come on!

961
01:09:14,910 --> 01:09:17,860
[Kevin] I can't take anymore annoying sounds! I quit!

962
01:09:17,860 --> 01:09:21,750
(beeping)

963
01:09:21,750 --> 01:09:24,610
Turn it off! Turn it off!

964
01:09:24,610 --> 01:09:27,870
[Bill] My impression of George C. Scott seeing his daughter in Hard Core.

965
01:09:27,870 --> 01:09:32,810
What do you think??!

966
01:09:32,810 --> 01:09:36,270
[Mike] Come with us, pal. You're over served.

967
01:09:36,270 --> 01:09:39,180
(beeping) Turn it off!

968
01:09:39,180 --> 01:09:43,710
(Kevin laughs) Turn it off!

969
01:09:43,710 --> 01:09:48,260
[Kevin] Now he's moved on to George C. Scott watching THIS movie.

970
01:09:48,260 --> 01:09:52,700
(beeping stops)

971
01:09:52,700 --> 01:09:55,810
[Bill] Hug it out, bitch.

972
01:09:55,810 --> 01:10:00,000
The activator can't be stopped. It's too late. How long have we got?

973
01:10:00,000 --> 01:10:02,960
[Mike] He just said it's too late??

974
01:10:02,960 --> 01:10:06,150
Ten minutes. [Mike] Okay, never mind, then.

975
01:10:06,150 --> 01:10:12,490
Jason? We've got to get the star streak.

976
01:10:12,490 --> 01:10:15,130
This planet's gonna blow up. Merrick and the others are dead.

977
01:10:15,130 --> 01:10:16,690
[Kevin] I hate it when you share bad news, and

978
01:10:16,690 --> 01:10:20,100
someone immediately tries to one up you. (Bill mumbles)

979
01:10:20,100 --> 01:10:22,890
[Kevin] Everyone's dead.

980
01:10:26,690 --> 01:10:31,350
[Bill] Let me go! There's still time to save my collection of Funko Pops.

981
01:10:31,350 --> 01:10:37,050
♪♪♪

982
01:10:37,050 --> 01:10:39,420
Jason? Is everything all right?

983
01:10:39,420 --> 01:10:41,180
[Mike] It looks like your planet is exploding.

984
01:10:41,180 --> 01:10:43,350
Would you like help with that?

985
01:10:43,350 --> 01:10:45,480
We speak the same language. Okay, where are you now?

986
01:10:45,480 --> 01:10:49,110
Aboard star streak. Just outside the citadel.

987
01:10:49,110 --> 01:10:52,830
[Kevin] Effects by an eight grade science fair volcano.

988
01:10:52,830 --> 01:10:56,260
Sparks! Delta three is gonna blow! Get someone on the cargo ships!

989
01:10:56,260 --> 01:10:59,320
We've got to salvage the supply of RADIC-Q-2.

990
01:10:59,320 --> 01:11:01,760
♪♪♪

991
01:11:01,760 --> 01:11:05,070
Mystery! (shouting) I am your creator!!!

992
01:11:05,070 --> 01:11:08,310
[Bill] And you! Are my number one guy.

993
01:11:08,310 --> 01:11:14,540
♪♪♪

994
01:11:14,540 --> 01:11:18,070
♪♪♪ [Mike] Meanwhile, in the school boiler room.

995
01:11:18,070 --> 01:11:21,940
♪♪♪

996
01:11:21,940 --> 01:11:24,650
♪♪♪

997
01:11:24,650 --> 01:11:30,090
[Kevin] Well, it looks like this is the end. Might as well auto erotic asphyxiate.

998
01:11:30,090 --> 01:11:33,290
♪♪♪

999
01:11:33,290 --> 01:11:40,210
♪♪♪

1000
01:11:40,210 --> 01:11:42,680
♪♪♪ [Bill] (robotic voice) You gave me goofy hose arms.

1001
01:11:42,680 --> 01:11:48,630
And for that, you will all burn!

1002
01:11:48,630 --> 01:11:54,140
[Mike] He's not standing again, until he gets a check for a sequel.

1003
01:11:54,140 --> 01:11:57,750
Niki, secure yourself to the robot console.

1004
01:11:57,750 --> 01:11:59,280
[Kevin] Everyone sit in front of a screen

1005
01:11:59,280 --> 01:12:00,630
and make a face like you're doing something.

1006
01:12:00,630 --> 01:12:06,690
We don't have much time! Let's go. Sparks?

1007
01:12:06,690 --> 01:12:11,170
Sparks are you set? [Bill] Also, Sparks? Can you still teleport or whatever?

1008
01:12:11,170 --> 01:12:15,350
Seemed like a useful skill that hasn't come up in a while.

1009
01:12:15,350 --> 01:12:19,610
♪♪♪ Come on.

1010
01:12:19,610 --> 01:12:24,510
[Mike] The Glaive is in the middle of saving Krull. [Kevin] (ahem) Wrong movie.

1011
01:12:24,510 --> 01:12:28,400
(sounds of crap falling down)

1012
01:12:28,400 --> 01:12:32,880
♪♪♪

1013
01:12:32,880 --> 01:12:36,000
♪♪♪ [Bill] The kind of smoke that lets you know, this is a small toy,

1014
01:12:36,000 --> 01:12:39,600
and the fire is probably coming from a match.

1015
01:12:39,600 --> 01:12:45,970
♪♪♪

1016
01:12:45,970 --> 01:12:49,840
♪♪♪ [Mike] Lumbar support engaged.

1017
01:12:49,840 --> 01:12:56,640
♪♪♪

1018
01:12:56,640 --> 01:12:59,800
♪♪♪ [Kevin] Now we sell Sparks to a junk yard?

1019
01:12:59,800 --> 01:13:03,330
[Bill] Now we sell Sparks to a junk yard. ♪♪♪

1020
01:13:03,330 --> 01:13:06,250
♪♪♪

1021
01:13:06,250 --> 01:13:09,350
[Mike] Gah! Ow! Oh come on! (Bill and Kevin laugh)

1022
01:13:09,350 --> 01:13:16,180
(Big ass explosions)

1023
01:13:16,180 --> 01:13:19,120
[Kevin] Well, I think one thing is clear. They should have called this movie,

1024
01:13:19,120 --> 01:13:24,420
"Jack Palance gets bonked on the head by a beam, and then blows up." (Bill laughs)

1025
01:13:29,620 --> 01:13:32,080
(explosion)

1026
01:13:32,080 --> 01:13:37,480
[Bill] (laughs) Just HOW dead does Jack Palance need to be?

1027
01:13:37,480 --> 01:13:40,310
(explosion)

1028
01:13:40,310 --> 01:13:43,860
[Mike] So I guess it turns out The Shape of Things to Come, is, explodey??

1029
01:13:43,860 --> 01:13:46,630
[Kevin] And very messy as shapes go.

1030
01:13:53,800 --> 01:13:55,740
[Bill] I? How was that explosion so

1031
01:13:55,740 --> 01:13:58,000
much better than the original death star explosion?

1032
01:13:58,000 --> 01:14:03,560
When everything else was so much worse??

1033
01:14:03,560 --> 01:14:07,840
[Mike] Eh, change it. Let's see if Columbo is on.

1034
01:14:13,500 --> 01:14:17,960
[Kevin] And, that's how we make lava lamps. Any questions?

1035
01:14:17,960 --> 01:14:21,170
Sparks?

1036
01:14:21,170 --> 01:14:25,560
First priority is to get the shipment of RADIC-Q-2 back to the Earth children.

1037
01:14:25,560 --> 01:14:28,390
Course set for planet Earth.

1038
01:14:28,390 --> 01:14:31,680
[Bill] Dumping shipment of RADIC-Q-2 into space.

1039
01:14:31,680 --> 01:14:35,030
Now sending a big up yours to the Earth children.

1040
01:14:35,030 --> 01:14:38,790
[Mike] No, Sparks. That's the opposite of what I? Never mind.

1041
01:14:38,790 --> 01:14:41,680
♪♪♪

1042
01:14:41,680 --> 01:14:47,400
[Kevin] And, in the end, we are but moths, flying into God's big old bug zapper.

1043
01:14:47,400 --> 01:14:53,160
Out there is the vastness of space. The unknown.

1044
01:14:53,160 --> 01:14:57,200
Where all possibilities exist.

1045
01:14:57,200 --> 01:15:02,200
And man's future is limited only by his imagination.

1046
01:15:02,200 --> 01:15:04,940
[Bill] And his ability to wrestle Jack Palance.

1047
01:15:04,940 --> 01:15:08,100
His vision of the stars.

1048
01:15:08,100 --> 01:15:11,590
♪♪♪

1049
01:15:11,590 --> 01:15:14,280
♪♪♪ [Mike] So, um? That's it then. The Shape of Things to Come is?

1050
01:15:14,280 --> 01:15:15,910
[Kevin] Ambiguous and dull.

1051
01:15:15,910 --> 01:15:17,690
[Mike] Okay. But the future of mankind is?

1052
01:15:17,690 --> 01:15:19,370
[Bill] Hopelessly bland!

1053
01:15:19,370 --> 01:15:21,420
[Mike] All right. But we did get to meet Sparks, who?

1054
01:15:21,420 --> 01:15:24,340
[Kevin] Was pretty low energy for a suicide robot!

1055
01:15:24,340 --> 01:15:26,860
[Mike] But at least it's based on a story by HG Wells, who is.

1056
01:15:26,860 --> 01:15:30,380
[Bill] Dead, but still embarrassed by the existence of this movie.

1057
01:15:30,380 --> 01:15:34,160
[Mike] Okay. Okay. I think that will do it. I hope you enjoyed this?

1058
01:15:34,160 --> 01:15:35,930
Tomorrow after tomorrow, folks.

1059
01:15:35,930 --> 01:15:39,280
And if you got this riff anywhere other than our site, could you please

1060
01:15:39,280 --> 01:15:42,310
head to our donate page, to help make things right?

1061
01:15:42,310 --> 01:15:47,500
And ensure we have a tomorrow, after the tomorrow, that is tomorrow.

1062
01:15:47,500 --> 01:15:48,830
[Kevin] Tomorrow.

1063
01:15:48,830 --> 01:15:54,450
[Mike] Exactly. Thanks everyone! See you next time! (Bill humming)

1064
01:15:54,450 --> 01:15:56,610
♪♪♪

1065
01:15:56,610 --> 01:16:00,790
♪♪♪

1066
01:16:00,790 --> 01:16:04,970
♪♪♪

1067
01:16:04,970 --> 01:16:09,060
♪♪♪

1068
01:16:09,060 --> 01:16:13,250
♪♪♪

1069
01:16:13,250 --> 01:16:17,430
♪♪♪

1070
01:16:17,430 --> 01:16:21,610
♪♪♪

1071
01:16:21,610 --> 01:16:25,780
♪♪♪

1072
01:16:25,780 --> 01:16:29,870
♪♪♪

1073
01:16:29,870 --> 01:16:34,050
♪♪♪

1074
01:16:34,050 --> 01:16:38,230
♪♪♪

1075
01:16:38,230 --> 01:16:42,410
♪♪♪

1076
01:16:42,410 --> 01:16:46,590
♪♪♪

1077
01:16:46,590 --> 01:16:50,670
♪♪♪

1078
01:16:50,670 --> 01:16:54,840
♪♪♪

1079
01:16:54,840 --> 01:16:59,020
♪♪♪

1080
01:16:59,020 --> 01:17:03,190
♪♪♪

1081
01:17:03,190 --> 01:17:07,370
♪♪♪

1082
01:17:07,370 --> 01:17:11,450
♪♪♪

1083
01:17:11,450 --> 01:17:15,640
♪♪♪

1084
01:17:15,640 --> 01:17:19,820
♪♪♪

1085
01:17:19,820 --> 01:17:23,990
♪♪♪

1086
01:17:23,990 --> 01:17:28,160
♪♪♪

1087
01:17:28,160 --> 01:17:32,240
♪♪♪

1088
01:17:32,240 --> 01:17:36,420
♪♪♪

1089
01:17:36,420 --> 01:17:40,590
♪♪♪

1090
01:17:40,590 --> 01:17:44,760
♪♪♪

1091
01:17:44,760 --> 01:17:48,940
♪♪♪

1092
01:17:48,940 --> 01:17:54,570
♪♪♪

1093
01:17:54,570 --> 01:17:59,560
It's time for RiffTrax! Rifftrax!

1094
01:17:59,560 --> 01:18:02,920
Copyright by RiffTrax. All rights reserved.